Monday, October 09, 2017

Single Vs. In A Relationship

Photo by Lauren Mackler

You know what's worse than annoying cheesy couples on social medias?
People who complain about being single every 5 minutes.
I tried to avoid talking about this since it's "easy for me to say because I'm in a relationship" but you know what? I'm not going to sit around and let people tell to shut up just because of our differences in situations.
I get it. I was single before. I know how it feels like. You know what else I know? The fact that a person can be stubborn on actually listening to any sort of advice at all. Why? Because they've already listened to everything. They are already fed up with the "You would meet someone one day," "Enjoy in your singleness," and also the famous "God is saving someone special for you."
It doesn't matter. Whatever you say will make them roll their eyes even harder anyway. All they want is to have a significant other right this second. I get it.
But it totally comes to a point where it gets annoying to see these people in their bitterness and self pity.
I just want to clarify that the occasional joke with the "forever alone" meme can be pretty funny sometimes. I did that too back then. This post I'm doing right now isn't about these people. I'm talking about the people who are constantly feeling bitter with the world because they're single. It's hard to find joy in them in all those desperation that I get so annoyed whenever I see their tweets on my Twitter feed. At times they even throw in some stuff about how it's better to be single anyway because they don't need someone to make them whole like all those people that are in a relationship. I literally saw a tweet like that earlier today I'm not even kidding.
First of all, whether you're single or in a relationship, no one is superior than the other. Second of all, if you have that "I don't need someone to make me whole" attitude in the first place, you wouldn't have been so bitter about being single. Just saying.
Look, all I'm saying is I do understand about wanting to be in a relationship but it becomes a problem when your life only revolves around that one thing only. I have experience with that situation and ended up with someone nice only for the sake of being in a relationship. Don't make it an idol. It's not fair for the person you're gonna end up with when they found out you were desperate for them just because you couldn't stand being single.
There really is more to life than just being in a relationship and I wish I can get through to people about this. Heck, you may be a happier person than the ones who are in a relationship right now. However, whether I say it or not, it all starts with people's attitude towards it anyway.

Friday, October 06, 2017

A Paranormal Encounter

Val and me!
This happened a while back. I don't remember exactly when but it was sometime during college.

Our class had a dance practice for our upcoming performance. We decided to use our art studio at night. My dorm mates/classmates, Farhanah and Hazirah were running late to the studio so we were rushing all the way. Note that it was 7pm..ish and it was already dark so we had to pass a few classes to walk to the art studio all the way from our dorms. It took us like 15 minutes to walk. 

We reached this building where classes usually go on but everything was empty and dark since there were no night classes. The only lights we had were the lights along the hallway that goes on to our art studios block. We were fast walking and rushing till we saw our friend, Val, at the end of the hall. We were all saying hi to her in our girly high-pitched voices and told her to wait up.

It was dark but we could definitely tell straightaway that it was her from the faint hint of lights on her figure and the way she stood.
She, of course turned around and look at us when we called her. She seem like she was rushing too and ran off after she saw us.
We ran to the end of the hall trying to catch up with her but ended up not seeing her anywhere.

Farhana, Hazirah and I were joking around about how rude she was and not caring about us anymore. We also were wondering how Val could ran to the studio so fast.
We got to the studio from that hallway after about 4-5 minutes and we saw Val sitting around in the studio while the others practiced their dance routines.
"Hey! How did you run so fast?" I said to her. She turned to me and stared at me when Farhana and Hazirah came up to her and jokingly told her how rude she was from what just happened.

Val was completely confused. "I got here in the studio for awhile now," she told us. "Stop playing, Val," hoping she was actually joking around. Shyrul, another of our classmate overheard us and told us that Val had been there for like an hour.
We told them that we saw her, wearing EXACTLY what she was wearing. A black shirt and jeans.
But it was true. Everyone was saying that she was already there for a while. 

We found out that the Val we saw,
was actually not her.

People here believe that if you see someone you know at one place while the actual person is at another place, you shouldn't let the person know or it's gonna be a bad omen to the person.
Although I may not believe that myself, I prayed for her before going to bed that night and I reminded her to pray too since she was turning pale from what we told her. 
She ended up okay though!

But man, the fact that we were actually talking to that ... whatever it was...
Gosh I don't even know what to feel about that.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Shy Is Annoying [Rant]

Some of you already feel attacked with this title but you know what? I don't care. I'm going to talk about it anyway.
I am so exhausted of people getting away with things by using "shy" as an excuse. They don't talk to people, they stay away from being in an activity and they don't even want to try to contribute.
Forgive me if I sound angry but if you have to deal with annoying "shy" people for years, you would get fed up with it too.
Before I continue, I want to say that being shy itself is not the problem. It becomes a problem when you act shy all the time
It becomes a problem when everyone is called to pitch in an idea for a new project but you stayed out of it.
It becomes a problem when you see a person being adored on stage knowing that you can be 10× better but accepting the fact that you're never gonna be able to do that anyway.
It becomes a problem when you would rather lock yourself in your room and choosing not to interact with your friends.
It becomes a problem when you don't laugh at jokes, giving one word answers and just not giving any sign of effort.
That's not cute or quirky. That's annoying. You acting shy all the time is annoying.

The answers I'm always getting when I need explanations from people like this?

"I'm not confident like you."
"You have to understand I'm not an extrovert."
"I'm shy. That's just who I am."

Well you know what else you are? Boring.
Just because you're shy or an introvert or whatever you're labelling yourself, that doesn't mean you can't be the opposite of what you are for just 5 minutes.

I've met a lot of charismatic and confident introverts, including me! When I was a kid I never talked to any of my teachers. I sat at the back of the class and never wanted to raise my hand on anything. 
Something clicked in my mind when my dad got angry with us in the family for always being scared to do anything.
He said a popular Malay phrase which translates to, "If you're shy to ask for directions, you're always going to be lost." (Malu bertanya, sesat jalan)
He was right. 
I lost all great opportunities in my life because I was shy. I regretted that.

I'm not saying that you HAVE to change who you are. I'm an introvert and I can carry a conversation well but I'm not always naturally like that. Just because you're an introvert, doesn't mean you can't cultivate the skills of an extrovert when you're needed in a situation and actually enjoy it! You can go back to being an introvert for the rest of the day if you want.
Life is not all about extroversion/introversion. It's not as black and white as people told you it is. Just be whatever you want to be when the situation needs you to be.

Like I said, being shy is okay but the fact that you acting shy all the time and not wanting to do anything about it is bad for you.
It's bad for your life, for your socializing and bad for your character to show how diverse and interesting you are.

I'm so tired of shy people complaining about how nobody cares about them when they don't want to do anything about themselves to begin with.

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Meeting Up With Sasha!

I've been friends with Sasha since high school. I've never actually got to be that close to her because a lot of people disliked her in school back then so the group of friends that I used to hang a lot wasn't a fan of me talking to her that much. I thought she was pretty cool and I still talked to her anyway in class but never got the chance to be as close. She was pretty cool with me as well and we had a lot of things in common actually like having a crush on Chris Evans and living in America one day haha. Good times.

I think the reasons why people disliked her was because she can be a diva sometimes and she speaks English so people thought she was showing off. She was also very competitive in school and fought to be the best in everything. I was kind of inspired by her. Heck, I wanted to speak in English too. I was so tired to speak in Malay all the time. I mean, what's so wrong about wanting to be the best right? Well I have differences with her too but she's pretty dang cool.

(Sasha and I during high school lol)
We didn't get to talk anymore after we got out of school. We moved on with our own lives.

We then actually started talking through Whatsapp again after a few years and I don't know how but we kinda just started getting really close! We met a few times again last year and I hung out with her again yesterday! It's amazing how I've gotten so close to her even though we separated on our own ways after high school.

She's one of the people who still stick around in my life and I'm glad the we always get to talk even though just through texts. She's amazing, sweet and caring. She paid for literally everything yesterday like oh my gosh I felt so spoiled. I had a great time with her 😭❤

Saturday, September 30, 2017

10th Post Of the Month

I did it. I actually get to do 10 blog posts this month. I set a goal and I actually did it.
I am so proud of myself! 😭 What I did is not just about getting my monthly resolution achieved but it showed me that when I put my mind to something, I can actually do it. This is something that is really valuable to me and it motivates me with what I do in my every day life. If I put my mind to get more money next month then I'm gonna go get it. If I put my mind to be more hardworking then I can absolutely do it too. 
It's the last day of September right now and it is the night that my goal is achieved. I hope future me will go back to this post and remember how awesome I am and will always be.

So now, another resolution for next month.
I'll keep going for 10 blog posts per month but with more pictures. I realized I've been slacking on putting pictures on my posts because I just wanted to post and leave. Well, now I want to go for quantity but also quality. 
And also I'm gonna work super hard to earn more money than usual.

It's 40 minutes to October now. I'll be praying that it's gonna be a better month for me.🍁

Why Am I In A Long Distance Relationship?

If you've been following my blog for a while now, you probably already know that I'm in a long distance relationship with my amazing boyfriend, Chris Howard. (hi babe!)
      I get asked a lot on why I chose to be in a long distance relationship (LDR). Well to answer that, I don't think anybody wants to go for a LDR as a choice to begin with. LDR may happened because of so many reasons. In my case, I happened to stumble across a man that I never knew would change my life to this day. Did we jump straight into a relationship though? No, we didn't. I found out that Chris actually thought I was pretty back then but he was being careful and not trying to pursue me because he thought nothing realistically could happen between us because of distance. 
  I think he was being absolutely reasonable. Of course anyone would hesitate to even think about being in a LDR.
    It turns out, while we were getting to know each other, our feelings never actually faded. We both admitted that we tried not to like the other person since we thought things would never happen anyway.

We couldn't.

In fact, they grew stronger.

    We got together after finally confessing our feelings to each other. We were a mess but we did it anyway. I'm glad we did.
    At the end, it comes to whether or not both of us are willing to commit and finally close the gap one day. LDR is worth it when there's a future for both of us to look forward together.
Has it been easy for us? Definitely not. But is it worth it? Yes. Absolutely. Chris is worth every mile between us.

So, would I recommend you to go for a long distance relationship? Well I'm not gonna say yes but I'm not gonna say no either. 
I'm not gonna say yes because I know how hard it is. I don't ever want to see you having to go through what I am going through.
However, I'm also not going to say no because LDR is not an impossible thing when you know someone who is worth all the fights you have to go through.

Friday, September 29, 2017

A Very Bizarre Dream

I woke up from my nap and went straight to my laptop and turned it on. Holy moly, I just woke up from a very strange dream but also very real. I need to write this down immediately.

I was nominated for a beauty pageant but for some reasons I came to the place late and I was a mess. I had no makeup artists and I had no dress to wear. I came to the beauty pageant with 0 preparation. I was wearing my blue dress shirt and shorts. My hair was in a bun and it looked like I slept and woke up in that hair.
So I came and I stood in front of the crowd. Apparently I only had one competitor. She was flawless. She looked like a rich kid with perfect hair and makeup and dress. She made some remarks about me being late and how I looked. I was embarrassed. From her look, she clearly didn't like me. I didn't know how I got in that that situation in the first place. I touched my hair and my bun almost fell off my head.
We didn't do anything at the pageant but to answer a question. We were both given the same question - "What is beauty?"
The girl answered it first. Her answer was all superficial. She went on and on about having designer bags, makeup tips and I don't even remember what she said but she was really prideful of her posessions and how she looked.
And then it was my turn.
I faced the crowd and I saw my friends and my family excited for me. I saw everyone who ever cared for me. I was tearing up.
I immediately knew what my answer was (this is word from word that I remember from my dream)

"You know at first I didn't know what beauty was but then I saw my friends all here supporting me. That is beauty. And I wanna show beauty everyday whether I'm pretty or not."

The crowd stood for me and gave me such a huge applause. I was then given a crown because apparently I won. The thing was, the crown was crooked and looked ugly. They gave the ugly crown in my hand and I slowly put it on my messy bun that almost came undone. The second I put that crown on my head, sparks flew everywhere like how you see in fairytale movies. There was a wind that blew my hair out and turned it into beautiful curls. I was spinning around and my shirt and shorts turned into a big pink floral pattern dress and I could even feel it slowly wrapping around my body. I even remember thinking that the dress had very good quality fabric. I looked and I had a beautiful crown.

That was my dream. There could be some kind of a lesson there but I don't know yet. I'm glad I chose to write this all down as soon as I woke up from my nap. I don't want to forget this.
I haven't told a lot of people about this but I have very weird dreams from time to time and it felt so much like there's a hidden message behind it. Maybe God talks to me through dreams? I don't know.

I might be putting my old dreams on here soon. I have some dreams like yeaaaaars ago that I still don't know the meaning of it. Maybe you can help? Hopefully

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