Saturday, June 29, 2013

How I’m Doing So Far In College

(was saved in my laptop on June 27th, 2013 (Thursday))

Each morning when I wake up here in UiTM Samarahan, Sarawak, I feel so grateful to God and to my family who support me emotionally and especially my father who spend a lot of money just for me. I owed him too much already and I honestly don’t know how could I ever repay him. All I can do is to succeed in my studies here and of course, in my life. I want to make my parents proud of me.
        So how am I doing here? I don’t know where start. So first, I’m studying on things that I love. So yeah I love it! For those of you who are new on my blog and didn’t read my previous post, I’m actually taking Diploma in Fine Art on Art & Design(AD) Faculty. I’ll be studying here for two and a half years.
        Being an AD student is really exhausting. My roommates said they barely see me in our room because I’m constantly busy and going out. Tasks, projects and assignments were given to us and yesterday, everyone failed to hand in all the tasks from a project. I know, I suck at time management. Thank God at least I handed in the first task. Almost everyone didn’t sleep the night before just to finish our project. I couldn’t do that. I never not sleep for a whole night even when I was in secondary school when having my SPM. I’d get a terrible headache. I stayed up late though.. Slept at 2 am and woke up at 6 am. The funny thing was, I didn’t feel sleepy at all the next morning. Probably because I was too scared to deal with my lecturers because I didn’t finish all the tasks.
        That morning, everyone was told to brought everything that we’ve done to our lecturers, Mr. Asrul and Madam Halina. That was when they criticized our works. My biggest fear in class. However, Madam Halina told me that I did everything neatly but asked why I failed to finish it. I could say that I was busy but all I said was I don’t have any excuse. Madam said, “Hmm. Lazy,” Yeah, I’ll take that. But here’s the thing, Mr. Asrul really liked my self-portrait collage. He said it’s nice and added the word, “Seriously” at the end. Whoa. He actually likes it? After I finished doing my self-portrait collage, he eagerly asked if I had finish it.. I said yes and he asked if he could take a look. Then he took my collage and walked to everyone in my class and showed them. I didn’t know what he said to them but my collage was a good example I guess?

        I always remember the things where people say that no matter how good you are, there will always be someone better than you.. But the fact that this is my second time to have my work to be a good example in class here in UiTM where there are a lot of talented people made me realize that…I’m actually more talented than I thought! At first I was nervous but after these experience, it made me think that I can actually do this!
        The first time my work was taken as a good example was on Mr. Zaidi’s class. We were studying on the topic, “Line”. We have to draw straight lines without using any ruler and eraser to practice our hand and our mind. We have to draw the line once only and cannot be repetitive like when we’re doing sketches. He said everyone can do it when we have great control on our mind and our hand. Mine was ugly because my lines weren’t as beautiful as his and it made me frustrated. At the end of the class, we showed our works on the floor and Mr. Zaidi took out some of the students’ works and put it in the middle of us while we were sitting on the floor in circles. I was wondering why he did that because he took one of mine which was my drawing of cubes. It turns out that every work that he placed in the middle of us, he commented all the things where we did wrong. I was even more frustrated. And then it was my drawing’s turn.. Funny how mine was the last to be shown. He asked everyone this.. “Tell me why do I say that this is good? Raise your hand and explain.” I was shocked. It was good?? WHAT.
        That was the time where I learn that it doesn’t mean anything when you have the highest level of talent than everyone else but fail to do the very simple basic steps of drawing. That’s why it’s always important to be humble in whatever you do.

        I know I’m talented and I’m not being cocky. I know that I am because God showed me that. For that, I am grateful and I want to do this for God and for my passion only and not to be the centre of attention in our class. Even if that happens, I just think that it’s because of God, not me. I’m grateful with my blessing from God and I want to use it to glorify God and not to be proud. When I do feel proud, I want the Holy Spirit to teach to me to stay humble.

Sunday, June 09, 2013

Alone?

It was an exhausting orientation we had this whole week and I was all worn out because I was too tired. To be honest, I was starting to think that coming to UiTM here in Sarawak was a bad idea. Not because I was exhausted but because I felt all alone and I couldn’t find a friend who shares the same faith and….you know, a Sabahan. Talking to Sarawakians is kind of frustrating to me sometimes because I don’t understand a word they’re saying and I always have trouble talking to them. All my roommates are Sarawakians but they don’t speak their language because I told them that I don’t understand. Anyway, yeah.. I felt so alone and I got homesick. A dreadful one. The first night I was here I cried while praying before I went to sleep and so does the second night. I didn’t know who else I wanted to turn to because now, I’m all by myself. I’m out of my parents grasp. We are not under one roof anymore and my hometown, Tuaran is so far away. I’ve never live this far from my parents. Now, God is my only nearest connection. My nearest Friend, Parent, Protector, comfort and my wonderful Counsellor. I didn’t know there would be a gathering for the Christians on the orientation week and I was so glad when I found out about it. There would be three times of the gathering every day for the week. At 5 am, 1pm and 7pm. They were my most favourite part of the orientation week because I was really blessed by the facilitators (our seniors) that handled the gathering. I was broken and lost for a long time and I have abandoned God, the Love of my life. I didn’t read the bible anymore. I was in sorrow but when I came to the gathering, God healed me little by little. I missed God so much and I had no idea that He misses me a whole lot more than I miss Him. It breaks my heart to know that I had broken His heart and my soul is weeping until now I just want to break into tears but I can never be alone here to spend my time with God and just cry on my knees. But above all that, God is merciful and He forgave me and glad that I now came to Him. Why would He do that after all this while I ignored Him? The amazing grace of the Lord, Yahweh is unimaginable! I can’t comprehend it. However, I’m really grateful. So today I went to a church called HOPE. It’s a church known worldwide they said, maybe you’ve heard of it. At the last gathering, it felt like God was calling me to go there when they said a little bit about the church. I was 100% sure God told me to go there. It wasn’t a coincidence that I was at the HOPE church today. I felt really blessed by the praise & worship and the sermon. But most of all, the youths are really friendly! Most of our facilitators are doing ministries there too! I went there just today and I feel like I’m part of them. It’s like they’re my second family. And guess what? There are FIVE SABAHANS there!! They were surprised when I told them I’m from Sabah as if they were so happy. Thank God! We went to lunch together with the youths from there and we bonded. I’m glad God told me to go to HOPE because I really feel like I can spiritually grow there and the people there are so encouraging and not to mention, hilarious!! I’m thankful. No, I’m GRATEFUL. God is amazing.. I don’t how many times I keep saying that but He is! I have sinned to my Father yet He still wraps His arms around me with comfort and love. All because of my Saviour, Yeshua. His broken and bruised body on the Calvary hill and His blood drained from His  body.. all that was for my shameful sins just so I am worthy to Yahweh. Amazing grace. Really really amazing. Now I’m not alone anymore here in college, because everything thought me here that I’m never alone because He is always there with me. I love going to the church and Sunday is the only day I’m looking forward to. So there guys, I expressed every emotions here about how God is healing me(still is), emotionally and mentally. I hope you’re still reading.. if you are, I pray that my stories would bless you in some sort of way. May the Holy Spirit works within you. Amen!

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