Sunday, June 09, 2013

Alone?

It was an exhausting orientation we had this whole week and I was all worn out because I was too tired. To be honest, I was starting to think that coming to UiTM here in Sarawak was a bad idea. Not because I was exhausted but because I felt all alone and I couldn’t find a friend who shares the same faith and….you know, a Sabahan. Talking to Sarawakians is kind of frustrating to me sometimes because I don’t understand a word they’re saying and I always have trouble talking to them. All my roommates are Sarawakians but they don’t speak their language because I told them that I don’t understand. Anyway, yeah.. I felt so alone and I got homesick. A dreadful one. The first night I was here I cried while praying before I went to sleep and so does the second night. I didn’t know who else I wanted to turn to because now, I’m all by myself. I’m out of my parents grasp. We are not under one roof anymore and my hometown, Tuaran is so far away. I’ve never live this far from my parents. Now, God is my only nearest connection. My nearest Friend, Parent, Protector, comfort and my wonderful Counsellor. I didn’t know there would be a gathering for the Christians on the orientation week and I was so glad when I found out about it. There would be three times of the gathering every day for the week. At 5 am, 1pm and 7pm. They were my most favourite part of the orientation week because I was really blessed by the facilitators (our seniors) that handled the gathering. I was broken and lost for a long time and I have abandoned God, the Love of my life. I didn’t read the bible anymore. I was in sorrow but when I came to the gathering, God healed me little by little. I missed God so much and I had no idea that He misses me a whole lot more than I miss Him. It breaks my heart to know that I had broken His heart and my soul is weeping until now I just want to break into tears but I can never be alone here to spend my time with God and just cry on my knees. But above all that, God is merciful and He forgave me and glad that I now came to Him. Why would He do that after all this while I ignored Him? The amazing grace of the Lord, Yahweh is unimaginable! I can’t comprehend it. However, I’m really grateful. So today I went to a church called HOPE. It’s a church known worldwide they said, maybe you’ve heard of it. At the last gathering, it felt like God was calling me to go there when they said a little bit about the church. I was 100% sure God told me to go there. It wasn’t a coincidence that I was at the HOPE church today. I felt really blessed by the praise & worship and the sermon. But most of all, the youths are really friendly! Most of our facilitators are doing ministries there too! I went there just today and I feel like I’m part of them. It’s like they’re my second family. And guess what? There are FIVE SABAHANS there!! They were surprised when I told them I’m from Sabah as if they were so happy. Thank God! We went to lunch together with the youths from there and we bonded. I’m glad God told me to go to HOPE because I really feel like I can spiritually grow there and the people there are so encouraging and not to mention, hilarious!! I’m thankful. No, I’m GRATEFUL. God is amazing.. I don’t how many times I keep saying that but He is! I have sinned to my Father yet He still wraps His arms around me with comfort and love. All because of my Saviour, Yeshua. His broken and bruised body on the Calvary hill and His blood drained from His  body.. all that was for my shameful sins just so I am worthy to Yahweh. Amazing grace. Really really amazing. Now I’m not alone anymore here in college, because everything thought me here that I’m never alone because He is always there with me. I love going to the church and Sunday is the only day I’m looking forward to. So there guys, I expressed every emotions here about how God is healing me(still is), emotionally and mentally. I hope you’re still reading.. if you are, I pray that my stories would bless you in some sort of way. May the Holy Spirit works within you. Amen!

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