Monday, December 30, 2013

Reason For The Season

Why hello my beautiful readers! I'm so sorry I didn't update my blog for Christmas. Just so you know, it was a beautiful Christmas. We celebrated it at church and other relatives' house. I didn't asked God for anything this year like I always do though because I feel like I am happy with things that I already have now. Last year, I asked God for a camera. I didn't expect He would actually listened to my prayer and a few days later, my Dad bought me a camera!!! Nobody knows what I prayed to God. I am not lying. Only God and I knew about it. Thank you again, God :)
But this year, it feels like it's time for me to give something to God which are praises and worship to Him to show Him how thankful I am. He has been so good to me this year. Especially when he brought me to UiTM. College life really is the highlight of 2013. You know what people say, it's on the age of 18 where you'll start stepping on the real world. The experiences that I had there and the amazing people I have known... especially the lecturers! Yay to Miss Julie (in case you're reading this, Miss :P) I know I barely talks about her here but she's an inspiration to me. She always knows what to say when her students are facing problems. I'll always keep the message she gave me on Facebook...
She's the only one who calls me Susanna instead of Susan :)
I never thought she would think about me that way. I'm mostly quiet in her class last semester. The fact that she noticed me is very pleasing to me. She even wrote about me on her blog! Click here to see :) Thanks for the helpful advice, Miss!

Aside from the amazing people, there are also the not-so-amazing-people. I'm talking about the annoying one. There's this guy in my class, I don't wanna mention his name here, is really really clingy on me in everything. When my lecturers explained every little things in class on how to do the assignments step by step to the very last detail, what did he do? Oh he was frickin' DAY DREAMING. And when I want to finally rest in our hostel after a long day, he texted me asking me how to do the assignment because he "forgot". OH MY GOODNESS. Plus, there was this one time he texted me like this, "Susan, ko senaraikan semua homework kita." (Susan, list out all our assignments.) Oh. Oh? OH!? Oh you expected me to list out everything just like that? Where does the word, "Please", "Can you help" or even "Sorry for disturbing" even goes? WHY. Just...WHY??
Maybe I look like a sweet girl but if I'm mad, I just say what is bothering me to the person. I need to be stern because I've been stepped on all over because I was too nice when I was in school. 

And get this. He's 20. I'm 18. 

I had this conversation with my brother just now. He said, when we go to college we not only learn about what we learn in class. When we stepped on the college life, we also stepped on the world of different people with different behaviour. That's where we learn to handle the lazy ones, the socially inappropriate ones and a lot more. It's a small step for the teenager to the bigger world out there. We have to realize that not everyone is like us. 

Besides learning great things about art and new skills of drawings (which is greatly improved by the way) I also learned other things like how to handle myself in a very stressful situation and how to handle with annoying people. Heh. As I'm getting older every year, experiences are getting more exciting! Life is full of surprises! :D

Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Pressure

(Dec 19th, 2013 - Thursday)

The thing about getting 4.00 CGPA last semester is that everyone is getting high expectations on me in everything I do. Like when everyone did not get to finish the assignments given, they expected me to be done perfectly. But I can’t. The first semester was great and okay for me. Thank God for my pointer. I really really thank God. But when second semester started, everything is really shocking to me. I got too overwhelmed with so many assignments. I have assignment on every subject of the week and I have to finish it by the next class which is the next week after. I don’t know how to deal with this. Our class starts at 8 am every single day and ends at 5 or 4 pm almost every day. The only free time I could spend is to rest. I am exhausted every time I got to my hostel. I could spend my Saturday doing my assignments but doing it for all of my subjects? Yeah, maybe 20% done for each subject. And Sunday, well, I go to church. I cannot skip Sunday service. I’ve done it on the first semester and everything felt so not right. My Mama told me before I left for college that how busy I am gonna be, don’t ever skip Sunday service. At the end, I came to every class with unfinished assignments and left my lecturers disappointed on me. Believe me, I have heard too many times from my lecturers saying a little bit like this, “You got 4 flat and this is all you did?” Do you know how embarrassing it is every time I heard that? I feel like a knife got stabbed in my heart and twisted when my lecturers say that…especially Mr. Zaidi. I’ve been wanting to be his favourite but if he’s already disappointed with me this semester, then why bother trying to impress him? Or any other lecturer by all means?  I don’t know how to deal with my time management. I need someone to help me. I wanna talk to Miss Julie. She understands and she’ll know what to say… She always do. But Valarie said she’s not around for these few days. Such a bummer I guess..   Today on Painting class, Mr. Zaidi stated how disappointing it was to see all of our unfinished assignments. To see how disappointed he was on us, it hurts. I didn’t want him to think that I did not finish my assignment on purpose. Feeling overwhelmed, I broke down in tears in class. I didn’t mean to do it but the lump I was holding in my throat was getting heavier. I didn’t know if Mr. Zaidi saw me crying. I tried my best to hide my face, though. I was ashamed. I am no longer the best student in class. I can no longer perform well. Is it because the pressure from getting high expectations from everyone? I’m not sure. Miss Julie, if you’re reading this… can you give me advice to deal with all of these? I could not adapt the situation on the current semester. I am mentally shocked on everything and I am physically worn out from constantly sacrificing my sleeping time. Why do people are able to do it and I can’t? Am I too spoiled? Why can’t I? If people can do it, I can too, right? I hope after the two weeks mid semester break, I can come back to college, fully charged and more enthusiasm in my studies. I need to adapt the new situation as soon as possible.

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