Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Pressure

(Dec 19th, 2013 - Thursday)

The thing about getting 4.00 CGPA last semester is that everyone is getting high expectations on me in everything I do. Like when everyone did not get to finish the assignments given, they expected me to be done perfectly. But I can’t. The first semester was great and okay for me. Thank God for my pointer. I really really thank God. But when second semester started, everything is really shocking to me. I got too overwhelmed with so many assignments. I have assignment on every subject of the week and I have to finish it by the next class which is the next week after. I don’t know how to deal with this. Our class starts at 8 am every single day and ends at 5 or 4 pm almost every day. The only free time I could spend is to rest. I am exhausted every time I got to my hostel. I could spend my Saturday doing my assignments but doing it for all of my subjects? Yeah, maybe 20% done for each subject. And Sunday, well, I go to church. I cannot skip Sunday service. I’ve done it on the first semester and everything felt so not right. My Mama told me before I left for college that how busy I am gonna be, don’t ever skip Sunday service. At the end, I came to every class with unfinished assignments and left my lecturers disappointed on me. Believe me, I have heard too many times from my lecturers saying a little bit like this, “You got 4 flat and this is all you did?” Do you know how embarrassing it is every time I heard that? I feel like a knife got stabbed in my heart and twisted when my lecturers say that…especially Mr. Zaidi. I’ve been wanting to be his favourite but if he’s already disappointed with me this semester, then why bother trying to impress him? Or any other lecturer by all means?  I don’t know how to deal with my time management. I need someone to help me. I wanna talk to Miss Julie. She understands and she’ll know what to say… She always do. But Valarie said she’s not around for these few days. Such a bummer I guess..   Today on Painting class, Mr. Zaidi stated how disappointing it was to see all of our unfinished assignments. To see how disappointed he was on us, it hurts. I didn’t want him to think that I did not finish my assignment on purpose. Feeling overwhelmed, I broke down in tears in class. I didn’t mean to do it but the lump I was holding in my throat was getting heavier. I didn’t know if Mr. Zaidi saw me crying. I tried my best to hide my face, though. I was ashamed. I am no longer the best student in class. I can no longer perform well. Is it because the pressure from getting high expectations from everyone? I’m not sure. Miss Julie, if you’re reading this… can you give me advice to deal with all of these? I could not adapt the situation on the current semester. I am mentally shocked on everything and I am physically worn out from constantly sacrificing my sleeping time. Why do people are able to do it and I can’t? Am I too spoiled? Why can’t I? If people can do it, I can too, right? I hope after the two weeks mid semester break, I can come back to college, fully charged and more enthusiasm in my studies. I need to adapt the new situation as soon as possible.

1 reader's feedbacks:

  1. Ooooteda my baby girl sorang ni...yup im not around campus since last wednesdy...blk kg yippie!my advise is easy, don't over think,don't over do..yes ppl will expect much from u since u already proven them last semester.but come on,we all humans.we'r not perfect after all..."to be perfect u hv to be imperfect." Atleast u try..anggapla kata2 pensyarah tu as a motivation..jgn simpan d dlm hati...if every words kita nk sentap/hurts,kita xkn maju..i believes in u my dear...jgn putus semangat..turn the negative vibes to positive..yg penting,niat blajar itu k..take care my dear.Merry Christmas! :)

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