Monday, October 20, 2014

Analyzing My Classmates

The third semester was where I made so many memories with my classmates and it was when I got really close to them and know them better. We laughed together, cried together. All kinds of stuff happened in that short period of time. It's holiday and I miss hanging out with them. I miss watching movies with them. I miss staying late at the studio and walk to Gading's Dining Hall when hungry together with them. 

On this post tonight, I dedicate this to my classmates. I'm gonna make descriptions on each of them since I've been observing them all these while.

Real name: Doughlas Anak Bunyam
He is a cool and a laid back guy. Very calm most of the time but very blunt when speaking. He's always honest and straightforward when stating an opinion and open to any critics. Besides that, he acts like a kid. Love being funny and disturbing the girls in class for fun but really mature when talking about serious things. He's also reliable when given a responsibility and very trustworthy. He will be a loyal friend to you unless you hurt him. When he accidentally hurts you in any way, he would immediately say sorry and promises never to do it again. He's a good friend but you have to get used with the occasional dirty jokes he would make. Haha!

Real name : Eva Vanessa Anak Ensoh
She's very competitive in class and hates it whenever she falls academically. When she needs help, she would get a little embarrassed to ask for help and always ended up not asking for help. You gotta ask her if she needed any help..then she would say yes. She's strong and does not afraid to do the kind of job that guys normally do. Also very knowledgeable but needs to be pushed on her confidence in front of people. 

Real name : Fatirah binti Ali
She's known as the "ustazah" in our class. She's never afraid to advice her friends whatever they do is wrong according to their belief. Looks very well-groomed and tidy all the time. Although she looks like a good girl, she likes to playfully teases you and laugh at you. That's one of her ways to get close to you. Most of the time in class, I saw that people like to tease her a lot and she just laugh it off and never took hard feelings for it. She's oddly spend most night on her phone talking to... uhh I don't even know lol. 

Real name : Halimatusa'adiah 
She's the kind of girl who still afraid on being far from her parents and I saw how hard she deals with it. A very quiet girl in class but she tried not to be too quiet as she normally made jokes to start a conversation with her classmates. She really tried not to be awkward and I think it's a good thing. However, despite the awkwardness, she is very diligent and her assignments were mostly well-done.

Real name : Lyana Eyahing
She has a great potential in class and always produces great artworks. She'll always thrive to achieve better in whatever she does but she has some problems with confidence. As a friend, she is loyal and she always gives the pep talk whenever someone is feeling down. She doesn't like seeing people down. Also, she often times says sorry even the little thing that she does that doesn't even matter. She's humble and never arrogant even though she knew that she's great in class. Moreover, she's never quick to judge someone and would take time to know the person truly until she can judge. She won't judge until she heard both sides of a story so she won't misjudge a person.

Real name : Marlina Singkan
She got commented on her cuteness and her prettiness in class most of the time. Even the lecturers does. She doesn't like having conflicts with friends and will always try to be friends with everyone. Although she is happy around her friends, she has a delicate heart that sometimes, people don't see that she's hurting. She's hilarious when her funny side came out. You will laugh like crazy when that side came out. She's also very very secretive when she has a problem. She probably don't want to burden others with what she's dealing in her life. 

Real name : Mohd. Azizi
He's always available to help his friends in need. He would also never talk bad about his best friend behind his back and defended his best friend in any circumstances. He values his friend that much. He's also never got dragged down with the bad influences from people around him. Even the people that he's close with. Loves making people laugh too whenever he get the chance and at times, loves teasing people for fun. He is well-known in the campus that sometimes, when my the others and I go out with him, there would always be two or three people that would say hi to him. Haha. Famous much? 

Real name : Norshyrul Syaaban 
Basically, this guy is the class joker. Like, everything he says and do can make you laugh so hard. Would be the center of attention in our class all the time. Whenever he's absent, people would immediately notice and I hate to admit this but... we got bored when he's not around.*rolls eyes* Other than that, he's a natural leader with great patience but would do whatever he has to do to properly lead something. That includes getting angry and stern even when he don't want to. He has no problem speaking in front of a crowd and has really high confidence. Also very well-known among students and lecturers.

Real name : Noor Shafina
Kind and helpful towards others. A very reliable person when given a responsibility. She was a very dedicated secretary. Often times got misunderstood by people for her being angry and straightforward. But, open to criticism and don't mind when people tell her what's bothering them with her. The kind of person who deosn't hold grudge and dislike paying back bad things others do to her. She's a forgiver.

Real name : Nur Hazirah Mastan
Before this, she was actually really quiet and to be honest, I didn't really noticed her at first. But as time goes by...and mostly on the third semester, she became loud! She wouldn't even control her laugh most of the time like it made me thinking... when did she became like this? But it's a good thing for her. She no longer afraid to stand up for herself and won't let anyone to walk all over her. Also like to tease people around but she would never go too far until it would hurt someone. It's okay to tease her too but be careful though. If the timing for you to joke around is not right, she would be in a bad mood and would be awfully quiet.

Real name : Sahwal Nizam
This is the guy in a snow cap. :P He is lovable by everyone who meets him. He's a soft guy that has more girl friends than guy friends. He's very nice to his friends and even a friend that is not really close to him. He is really nice and he would ask you what's wrong whenever he sees that something's wrong with you. People knew him with his great singing voice all around the faculty. Whenever he has the chance to perform, he will grab the opportunity. You will always see this person smile even though he has difficulties and problems back home, he will smile no matter what. He's soft and delicate but strong enough to get through anything in life. 

Real name : Siti Farhana binti Junaidi
She's not 100% healthy like the rest of us but she always make it like it's no big deal for her. She has great teamwork in most things we do like group assignments or when just having a study group together. Even when she's busy, she would take time to help her friends too. She doesn't let herself get too stressed in doing work and she won't let it affect her emotions. That's why she laughs when things are too stressful. When it come to friends, she's great in listening problems and giving opinion on the matter. 

Real name : Valarie Anak Da'ee
At times can be quite blur and very slow on talking. She got playfully mocked by Shyrul all the time that it ended up as a comedy in class. But as you get to know her, she is actually a really really funny girl. I respect on how she doesn't care when people advices her and how easily she is open to criticism. She is calm and very laid back. She understands how you feel when talking to her and would share what she thought on the matter and tells how it happens to her before. It's like that all the time. However, even she is known as the blur one, she is also very flirty to guys.

So that's it my classmates! Hope you enjoyed reading these! :)
I don't know how to describe myself. Can you do mine too? Thanks :D

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Third Semester

The semester is almost over and it has been a roller coaster ride for me. I honestly never thought being in this course would be this tough. Sure, people say being in university is hard but I thought I could handle it. Apparently I was wrong. You know, studying art was what I wanted to do since like forever. When I first came here I was thrilled and my lecturers saw my potential and most important, they saw my passion. I was loved and praised by everyone. People look at me and labelled me as “The Best Student”. The first semester, I got 4.00 gpa and the second semester, I got 3.80 gpa. I loved everything. I loved how people looked at me. But then, I started the third semester. I began to hate the high expectations from people. It was really stressful and I got a real problem on time management. So long-story-short, I didn’t finished my assignments on the assessment day. It was only like 30% left but all my other work was good but it would clearly affect my cgpa. Sigh. Time..  I sleep most of the time because I was tired every day. I am a human being. I should be able to rest or I’d get sick. When my mom found out that I slept really late like at 3 a.m., she told me to take a rest. When my brother, Jonathan, knew that I stayed up all night, he told me to stop being stupid and go to sleep.
          Jonathan, my brother. Let me tell you about him. Whenever I was stressed, I’d chat with him through Whatsapp. He knew what it feels to be in a university. He knew how it feels like to be scolded and cussed by lecturers and getting overwhelmed by assignments. He gave me a lot of advices and how to deal everything maturely. But the one thing he said that I remember most is that university is not about getting all A’s but a lesson for future life and meeting different kinds of people. It’s so that I could consult my family in times of trouble.
          I did take his advices and I did learned so much in this place. My skills are improving a lot too. Just because I did not get to fulfil all of my lecturers’ expectations this semester, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about my family when I’m studying and when I’m doing my work. I’ve already pushed myself to the limit. I slept late and stayed up most of the night to do my assignments. One time, I wanted to take a rest after staying up too long but I cried all of a sudden because I was scared… no not scared. I was TERRIFIED for not being able to finish my assignments for the next day but at the same time, I was exhausted. I’m not a robot. But my brother was always there for me. He said that it’s okay and whatever my lecturers said, just listen. I was in terror but he said it’s gonna be okay and I believed him.

          So whatever people are going to say about me, I don’t care because my grades don’t define my intellect. I gained a lot of knowledge this semester and I’m already okay with that. My parents are not disappointed at me. I know they’re proud of me and what I’ve become. If you’re not okay with that, I can’t do anything. I’m still gonna try again next semester though. I pray that I’ll be tougher. Physically and mentally. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Sleep Paralysis

Do you know what sleep paralysis is? You know, when you're half asleep and half awake on your bed and you kinda feel something.. or someone heavy on your body or pushing you and you can't breathe. Sometimes people will also be able to see or hear frightening things. You tried to scream and move but you can't.

It has been said that this has nothing to do with paranormal and demonic activities. This is actually a sleeping disorder. So they said. You can Google about this if you want to know more about it.

I had a previous episode of sleep paralysis while I was in my hostel. 

But before that, I want to tell you that I always sleep on the side of my bed which is near the wall. I don't know why but I love being near the wall. I could feel the coolness of the wall and it makes me feel cozy. A lot of time I faced the wall too. It's kind of my habit of sleeping. One of my roommates, Brenda, told me that I am a lizard since I like sticking on the wall haha! But here's the thing, because of how I slept all along, there was an empty space beside me.

There was this one night when I slept like usual. I was so tired that I just fell asleep when I lay down. The semester had been rough on me, hence to my exhausted self. I was facing the wall and being very near to the wall. After a few hours, I felt this feeling where I was in the state of half awake but still in my dream. I was in my dream but I can feel what was happening around me in my hostel room. I felt like someone climbed on my bed and laid down beside me on the empty space where I usually left. I was still half in my dream so I didn't even have a frightening thought on who was beside me. All I wanted to do was to turn and see who was it.

And then that was when it happened.

I couldn't move. I knew what was going on. I was awaken from my dream. I realized that I was in m hostel room already. But the thing was, I couldn't move. I felt that thing behind me was pushing..and pushing me nearer to the wall. I prayed, but no words could come out from my mouth. I could feel its body pushing against me to the wall. All I was thinking was to get out from that sleep paralysis. I was more to being panicked than being scared actually. I remember praying, "In Jesus' name, don't get near me!" over and over again.

Then, I heard.

I heard it breathing right on my left ear. It's like the sound of a person trying to push something heavy in great effort but more to whisper-like and.. more scary and...

it was gone.

As soon as I feel free from it I turned and I realized then that my mouth was mouthing the prayers I said in my heart and in whisper. I could feel how fast my heart beat was. But thank God it only lasted about 5-6 seconds. I climbed down from the top bunk bed and Hilda, my other roommate, heard me. Apparently she tried to sleep but can't because she felt that we weren't the only ones in the room that night. Something else was with us. I checked my phone. It was 3.30 am. So, when I climbed down my bed in panic, she knew something was not right. I was shaking and I came to her and she grabbed my hand. I told her what happened and I slept with her. I was in tears. I was no longer panicked but terrified. I was afraid that if I close my eyes again, it will happen again... even when Hilda was next to me. So I prayed to God. I put my faith in God that no devil will disturb me while I was asleep again. I asked God to cover me with the blood of Christ. I prayed for other things too but I forgot. So I slept, having faith that God will protect me. It did not happen again.

I slept with Hilda for two nights after that. Something happened after those two nights but I will get to that later on the next post.

The day after what happened. I went to my classmates' room and I told them what happened the night before. While I was telling them, Mar was surprised and scared. She had this look where I sensed that she knew something about it. I was right. Apparently, the voice that I heard... she heard it too. She had sleep paralysis a few days before me but longer. I think it was hours.. I don't know I forgot. Sorry. So she told me what happened and her story was EXACTLY like mine. She told me that she was facing the walls and something was pushing her. I haven't told her that I was facing the walls but she told me that she was. She did not made that up. I mimicked the voice that I heard and she was like, "EEEHH! THAT'S IT!! THAT'S THE VOICE!!" I was like.. no way.

Now that made me think. Is it really true that it was just a sleeping disorder? How did it felt so real? How come if it was just a sleeping disorder, Mar heard the exact same voice too? I don't know. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe I was too tired. But I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't just a sleeping disorder because how real it felt. But to be honest, I still don't know for sure. All I know, I must pray before going to sleep. I didn't that night. I was too selfish and slept straightaway because I was so exhausted.

Pray before going to sleep not only asking god for protection but remember to give thanks to the Lord for his blessings for the entire day. Ask for His forgiveness on anything that you've done on that day that may hurt our Father God's feeling. Then, ask for protections from the devils and nightmares.

God is good. All the time!

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7

Sunday, April 13, 2014

End of Second Semester

It ended two days ago and I arrived at the Kota Kinabalu International Airport at around 3 p.m. yesterday. Now, I'm home!! Oh the Land Below the Wind!
How was my second semester, you asked? Well, it was pretty tough. At the end of our first semester last year, Mr. Zaidi told us that the pressure on our coming semester (which is the second semester) will be different and we have to prepare ourselves physically and mentally. He was right. The pressures were too much for me and I am kind of overwhelmed by everything. Often times I came to class with unfinished assignments and made some of my lecturers disappointed in me. I admit that I did broke down in tears a couple of times. I was down when I knew that they expected more from me but I failed to do it. Especially now when I have been labelled as "The Best Student" since my result on the first semester. Best student? Lah sangatt!
You see, being labelled like that.. I just can't take that kind of pressure. As time goes by, I didn't even care anymore. I didn't care if I messed up and I didn't care if people were shocked that I didn't get the highest mark in Art History class because I realized that I am doing it for myself and not for anybody else. However, when I started to not care anymore... I realized that I feel... I don't know... free? Also my performance got better too. Funny how it started to go well when I decided not to care. But still, I sacrificed my sleeping time a lot! My will to stayed up late at night fires up when I decided never to disappoint my lecturers again. That was my goal. And most of the time, I achieved the goal. Way to go, Susan! Way to go of getting only 3 to 4 hours of sleep every day though. Except of course, weekends.
But the day that was truly extreme for me has to be the day before the assessment day. Assessment day - the day that ALL of our artworks will be assessed and critiqued. Scary much? 
I did not sleep the whole day and the next more than half of the day. Basically more than 36 hours. Man, I looked so horrible during our assessment day. Miss Val even asked me, "Eh? Kamu tak tidur ka?" (Hey, did you not sleep?) Yup, I looked really tired. Even my friends mentioned how tired my face was. I did not even get to put on my makeup that day and I was really pale. Like a zombie. Because of the lack of sleep, I got mood swings all the time. I remember crying that morning because I was too disappointed that even though I stayed up all night, I still did not managed to finish all my assignments and I was already late. I almost puked because my head was so heavy and dizzy and all I wanted to do was to sleep but I can't and I felt irritated at almost anything. I was not myself that day. My back hurts so much. But thank God it all went well. In fact! Some of my artworks were chosen as the best! :D

Painting "Op Art"
Wooden Sculpture (Front)


Oil painting on canvas
2' 6" x 2' 6" 
Oil painting on canvas
1' 6" x 1' 6"
I remember all the blood, sweat and tears I shed throughout this semester. Yes, I literally shed blood doing my artworks a few times while carving this plywood for printmaking..

Um well, I wasn't actually carving in the picture but that was the plywood I was talking about. The picture above showed that I was rolling ink onto it. Didn't take pictures of me while carving.. I had some accidents with the carving tools and accidentally "carved" my fingers. Ouch. Don't worry, it wasn't that severe. I think.

Anyway, I'm impressed with it though 'cause it turned out to be like this!

I can't believe I managed to endure my second semester! I survived! Maybe I am not getting straight A's anymore but I don't care because I have done my very best! I'm a weak girl but I have a mighty God! I boast in my weakness because that will be the time where people would see how mighty my God is! 

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