Sunday, April 13, 2014

End of Second Semester

It ended two days ago and I arrived at the Kota Kinabalu International Airport at around 3 p.m. yesterday. Now, I'm home!! Oh the Land Below the Wind!
How was my second semester, you asked? Well, it was pretty tough. At the end of our first semester last year, Mr. Zaidi told us that the pressure on our coming semester (which is the second semester) will be different and we have to prepare ourselves physically and mentally. He was right. The pressures were too much for me and I am kind of overwhelmed by everything. Often times I came to class with unfinished assignments and made some of my lecturers disappointed in me. I admit that I did broke down in tears a couple of times. I was down when I knew that they expected more from me but I failed to do it. Especially now when I have been labelled as "The Best Student" since my result on the first semester. Best student? Lah sangatt!
You see, being labelled like that.. I just can't take that kind of pressure. As time goes by, I didn't even care anymore. I didn't care if I messed up and I didn't care if people were shocked that I didn't get the highest mark in Art History class because I realized that I am doing it for myself and not for anybody else. However, when I started to not care anymore... I realized that I feel... I don't know... free? Also my performance got better too. Funny how it started to go well when I decided not to care. But still, I sacrificed my sleeping time a lot! My will to stayed up late at night fires up when I decided never to disappoint my lecturers again. That was my goal. And most of the time, I achieved the goal. Way to go, Susan! Way to go of getting only 3 to 4 hours of sleep every day though. Except of course, weekends.
But the day that was truly extreme for me has to be the day before the assessment day. Assessment day - the day that ALL of our artworks will be assessed and critiqued. Scary much? 
I did not sleep the whole day and the next more than half of the day. Basically more than 36 hours. Man, I looked so horrible during our assessment day. Miss Val even asked me, "Eh? Kamu tak tidur ka?" (Hey, did you not sleep?) Yup, I looked really tired. Even my friends mentioned how tired my face was. I did not even get to put on my makeup that day and I was really pale. Like a zombie. Because of the lack of sleep, I got mood swings all the time. I remember crying that morning because I was too disappointed that even though I stayed up all night, I still did not managed to finish all my assignments and I was already late. I almost puked because my head was so heavy and dizzy and all I wanted to do was to sleep but I can't and I felt irritated at almost anything. I was not myself that day. My back hurts so much. But thank God it all went well. In fact! Some of my artworks were chosen as the best! :D

Painting "Op Art"
Wooden Sculpture (Front)

(Back)
(Left)
(Right)
(Above)
Bottom

Oil painting on canvas
2' 6" x 2' 6" 
Oil painting on canvas
1' 6" x 1' 6"
I remember all the blood, sweat and tears I shed throughout this semester. Yes, I literally shed blood doing my artworks a few times while carving this plywood for printmaking..

Um well, I wasn't actually carving in the picture but that was the plywood I was talking about. The picture above showed that I was rolling ink onto it. Didn't take pictures of me while carving.. I had some accidents with the carving tools and accidentally "carved" my fingers. Ouch. Don't worry, it wasn't that severe. I think.

Anyway, I'm impressed with it though 'cause it turned out to be like this!

I can't believe I managed to endure my second semester! I survived! Maybe I am not getting straight A's anymore but I don't care because I have done my very best! I'm a weak girl but I have a mighty God! I boast in my weakness because that will be the time where people would see how mighty my God is! 

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