Saturday, December 26, 2015

A Blessed Christmas Indeed

There are times you sit in a church and listen to the sermon and you'd be like, "Yes, these are what I need," or "That's a really good sermon." Well, in my case, it went sort of like, "IS GOD ACTUALLY TALKING TO ME THROUGH THIS PREACHER BECAUSE I COULD HAVE SWORN THEY ARE EXACTLY FOR ME," kind of moment.

I almost let my laziness get to me to write but I feel like this is too important to share. Maybe someone out there need to see what I need to share.

Yesterday morning, we had a Christmas service at church. I just want to talk specifically for the sermon that was given on that day. He was talking about God's children should be one in church and how some can be arrogant because apparently, the world taught us that being served is better than being a servant which is why there are no more room for humbleness in serving God. Hence, there exists the high priests and missionaries which are glorified in this world. 

Brother Elvis gave a good sermon. However this next part is what shocked me the most. He started talking about people who love getting praises and feel like crap when they don't get it. Getting compliments and praises feels good not gonna lie, as to what he said. 

That was it. That right there. 

Because if you read my last post, it made so much sense. 

God opened my eyes. Being the best and at the top is not important. Sure, you feel good getting praised but what I was reminded of was stated in this scripture.

Matthew 23:12

For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

I have been doing wrong this whole time. I wanted to be praised and wanted to be the best but for what? For the world to see me? Is that really important? God was clearly telling me that I should be humble and stop all my insecurities on not being the best because Jesus Christ was born not in a manger yet He is the King of the world.

Philippians 2:6-7

who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

He is a King and doesn't get treated as one when He was born. He deserves all the praises He should get but would rather be a servant to others. This moved me and almost brought me to tears. How can the King of kings able to low Himself so much that He even washed His followers feet? How can I, a normal human being, always desire on being the best and so in love on getting praised? How can I be so blinded? I should have been serving others and emptying out all the arrogance I have ever had than counting my worth and value through how people see me. I feel so truly stupid. I was vain and I know that. But from now on, I'm gonna change and I want to serve others. I always wanted to be like Jesus, and this is it. This is obviously the first step on becoming like Him.

Throughout his sermon, I felt like God was talking straight to me and He did a good job using a humble man to be the preacher of God's word. He did say at the beginning of the sermon that the Holy Spirit guided him to change the sermon he had prepared at first to a new one. I'm glad brother Elvis changed it.

I hope you guys had a wonderful and a blessed Christmas.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Always Wanting To Be The Best

When you constantly gets praises, it' hard to accept when one person suddenly insulted the one thing you always gets praises about. You know, when people always compliments you on your beauty and you feel pretty all the time and when one day, one person says that your skin looks awful or your hips are way too big or when you get compared with someone else's beauty and you get crushed completely while questioning whether all the compliments had been true or not.
       In this post, I would like to share this one ugly trait of mine which is wanting to be the best compared to everyone else. 

The most common praises I've always gotten are, "Pretty", "Smart" and "Talented". At the first few  stages on receiving those kind of compliments I always feel like rejecting their words like, "No, no I'm not," or "There are people who are better." But as time passes, those words kind of grew on me and I got more confident by saying thank you and smile.

First, I would like to tell you some things on getting told that I'm pretty. Well, a long time ago I always thought that I never looked good enough. I think we all felt that way didn't we? I mean, who like to admit that they looked amazing before puberty hit them? Who? You? Well, aren't you the lucky one. Anyway, gettin' off topic here- I now look better. I always hear people talking about how I should be a model because I'm so tall and beautiful or be a flight attendant. You know, what people say gets to my mind and those words influenced me that made me think how beautiful and model-looking I am, not gonna lie. I know how to do my makeup too so people always talk about how they admire my beauty. I really really enjoyed them until one day... 
A girl in the same faculty came looking amazing and tall and fancier clothes than me. Every compliments I've ever gotten, every one of it, moved from me and straight to her. Worse is when others were asking like, "Isn't she beautiful?" to me. I mean hellooo, I'm beautiful too. Was saying that in my mind though. The fact is, she doesn't just look like a model, she is a model. And richer than me. But then, I thought, I just be the girl who just agrees that she looks beautiful...probably more than I do. Even though it feels sucks. Since then, I learned to give compliments to other girls and actually appreciate how pretty they are and store my envious feeling and locking it away.

Now let's talk about how I was always told that I'm smart. I actually don't think that I'm that smart according to what my friends, seniors, or even lecturers told me. I was always kind of slow and constantly asking my lecturers everything that I don't know because yeah, I'm slow. But when I started to get Dean's List and able to get it again after 5 semesters in a row, it was kind of shocking. Plus, being awarded as the best student in my course boost up my confidence so high. 
But I think that, how smart I am was not measured from my GPA. I'm guessing that I'm smart because of my eagerness on learning, sacrificing time, being able to speak up in front of people, the way my mind works when I think and probably something else. I love when people say that I'm smart and notice those things about me. It makes me feel good. But you know, you don't always get to be the one who gets all the praises in class. There are moments that people takes your spotlight and outshines you and the lecturer just looks at you and wonder what on earth is happening to you when you're the star every time. I'm gonna say it again, it sucks. However, I'd just let my feelings aside and congratulate the one who deserves it.

Now we get to the "talented" part. I am an artist and people endlessly talking about how good I am in drawing portraits and I learned so quick whenever my lecturer taught us anything. I was the one who always got it fast when a new technique was taught and it showed through my work immediately. My lecturers noticed that too and I love getting observed by them and my friends. But you know what they say about beating talent? Being hardworking. As I knew I was the talented one, I started slacking off while others got hardworking and became more diligent. I was getting behind and I hated that. I realized that talent without hardwork is useless. There is this one junior of mine that seems way more talented than me and very hardworking and I felt challenged. She's a junior and she actually is way better than me. If I can see this, it's not impossible  that people can see it too. I feel ashamed that she's better than me and I don' like it because I'm always wanting to feel on top. Being the best.

Well, people grow up and their mind matures and I realized that as much as I hate knowing that others can be better than me, people deserves to get praises too. How I feel worthless without the praises is not right because the praises I get came from the gifts God had given me-which He can take back anytime- and He is the One who should be forever praised. My worth does not came from the praises of the gifts that God can take back anytime. I should know that my value and worth comes from who I am to God which there are so much more to explore in Him.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Road On Becoming An Artist

Wow. Where do I even begin?

Well, I'm starting off with apologizing to all of you who are following me from the start that I just disappeared all of a sudden. If I'm gonna be completely honest with you guys, I was actually so lazy. I meant to write more, don't get me wrong. It's just that I procrastinated constantly and kept making excuses until I was really busy and well, I tossed aside my responsibility on my blog. Don't judge me, please.

Oh, the years have gone by so fast. I missed so many things that I could share with you guys here. Me getting a dog, my 20th birthday, my leadership experiences and so many more. Hopefully I get to share them in the future posts.

Anyway, I'm only sharing the thrill and excitement of my final semester.

      I started my diploma with an innocent heart. It was like I was taking a step into a big world. I remember being so passionae about fine art that I was constantly scared that maybe I'm not good enough to compete with the people in my class. That was like, what? 2 and a half years ago? It's funny 'cause now, after completing my diploma, I feel more confident and powerful than ever. It was such a humbling experience.

My final semester passed by in a flash yet I still remember all the memories in my head like I'm surfing channels on TV. Sort of.

      I remember being called by the head of the Art and Design Faculty and thinking that I have done something wrong. Someone in my class told me that Miss Julie told me to report myself to Block M immediately only to find out that I was chosen as the best student for my faculty. That was so rad. If my past self knew I would get such an award, she wouldn't believe it. Probably because she thought she was a loser all the time. Get it together, past me!
      So, I get to attend for an exquisite pre-grad dinner where the guests were limited. Fancy much?
Get to see my face on a banner there!
The place was beautiful
It says "Best Student of Diploma in Fne Art"
It was such a humbling and honoring experience. I would like to express my gratitude to all of my lecturers who pushed me so hard beyond my limit and told me to be tougher when I cried. It was tough. When you are giving your all in this field, you have to sacrifice your social life and your bed time. Thank you to Miss Julie, our class PA too for her endless support and guidance. 

I also get to be the project leader for our exhibition on the final semester, Reqaseni Vol.7 "Spectrum". Well, Sahwal, my friend was the project leader at first and I suppoerted him too but after a few personal problems he had to face, a new leader had to be chosen to take his place. Long-story-short, it was me. Hearing that, I was baffled. That was the time I  had a slow progress on my work and I wanted to say I couldn't do it but looking at my friends, I knew I had to do it. I knew I had to step up to lead for my friends because I couldn't bear the thought of everyone getting criticized of the weak planing of our exhibition. I hated that. It was hard though. I had to sacrifice a lot in beig a leader and how I messed up big time this one time in which I'm in no way able to tell you what happened. The blame that I willingly receive was too humiliating yet I survived all of it. The roller-coaster ride I had with my friends were later told in a brief moment by me when giving a speech on the opening of our exhibition in which was received in laughter- including our Rector! 

I miss the experience so much. How did God put me in that place? He is so good to me and I am constatly am grateful for the walk I had with Him along the years.

Yeah, I was in the paper. I was behind the easel and looking really weird but hey, I sill appeared on the paper so shut up
Below are my artworks from the exibition.
Silkscreen Printmaking
My series of artwork
My result came out on Nov 12th and I am so grateful and humbled that my GPA was 3.92! How crazy! Thank you, Lord!! And because I got Dean's List for every semester, I will be given the Vice Chancellor Award on my graduation next year!!!!

With blood, sweat and tears, I have completed my diploma. With every laughter and agony I went through with my friends, I will always cherish them. With every criticism and counselling from my lecturers, I will always remember.

Being an artist starts with your attitude. Once you say that you are going to have a commitment on it, you gotta show it with consistency. It's okay to stumble once in a while. We all have gone through that. Be open to criticism. The harsher it would be, the tougher it will make you. You gotta push yourself out of your comfort zone. But above all, don't forget to lean on God. Whatever you do, do it with God, together. Always have a relationship going with God so that it won't get too overwhelmed.

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