Tuesday, January 05, 2016

Extroverted Introvert


I just want to rant about this issue here because it bugs me so much that people around me still don't get it. People are born either with the trait of being an extrovert or an introvert. Extroverts are outgoing and finds pleasure in socializing while the introverts enjoy being quiet and spending time being alone. There's nothing wrong when you were born with one of these traits. What's wrong is when you say that one is better than the other. 

I'm mainly an introvert. That's why I do blog instead of vlog. Words are pouring out through writing and I sometimes able to inspire people here but once talking in front of a camera, my throat tightens and I got choked on my words. 

However, being in college made me realize that I'm actually an "extroverted introvert". This refers to an introvert who trained themselves to be an extrovert yet still finding themselves drained after socializing the whole day. I enjoy being alone and I don't care locking myself in my hostel room for days during the holidays because I find peace when it's quiet and being alone. One time, two of my friends and I were stuck in our room with no plans at all for three days I think, and already they were groaning and saying how bored they were. See, I'm not like that. When I don't have plans, and not going anywhere, I hope nothing comes up so I can just stay in instead of going out. I can read books, surfing the internet, drawing or watch some movies. But as annoying as it is, you gotta start socializing in college somehow. As a matter of fact, I'm really good at making friends and socializing. I'm great at it. It's  just maintaining the friendship would be the problem. If I socialize with people, I feel like I put up a lot of effort and it's exhausting. Which is why, I need to recharge at the end of the day by being myself. If not, I'd get grumpy or even depressed. When I was in school, I have no problem dealing with this because at the end of the day, I can just go home without being bothered by anyone. But in college, even classes are done for the day, you still see your friends since you're basically living in the campus anyway. Plus, roommates who won't shut up for one second is super annoying. I confused my friends a lot because in class, I'm perky, loud and joyful but once we have free time, I always avoided going out with them because I don't know when else can I get my own free time to be alone considering our very tight schedule. You guys go release your stress at the mall, I release my stress by locking myself in my room.
Still, my batteries drained so fast sometimes that I don't have the mood to talk to anyone even before class ended. Especially when I have to go through small talk that doesn't make me feel connected. When you can have deep meaningful talks to me, that would be rejuvenating. I love my friends but I really want them to stop telling me to cheer up in class and ask me what's wrong when I'm quiet. It's okay, you don't have to try to make me laugh. Let me recharge and I'll be okay. Though, recharging with people around you would be tough.

Some grown ups have problem realizing introverts too. I never liked it when not being involved with activities is equalized to being self-centered or not caring to expose myself to the world. Nu-uh. I know a lot of the world more than you think you know I do. I read. I surf the internet. You don't know the knowledge I have that helps me to get through this world. And as what you call being self-centered. I am not because I know people and I know when something's wrong with my friends. Just because I don't talk sometimes, don't forget that us, introverts, are a keen observer. Maybe you roll in your life by constantly socializing and it gives you satisfaction, and believe me, I think it's great, but you do not get to ridicule me for not being like you.

I apologize for the angry tone that I used in this post. It's just this pent up rage that has been going on for my whole life and writing is somewhat a therapy to me. I don't even know if you're still reading to this point but if you do, thank you. And please, let me know in the comments if you're a regular reader. It would be great to know that people still read my blog.

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