Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Why I Suck At Relationships

Wow how fast did you click my post just now? What? You don't believe I could be really bad in relationships? Oh you seriously have no idea. I can't wait to tell you reasons why every guy on the planet should be running away from me. Let's go, peeps.

Reason #1

Isn't it sweet when couples lean on each other for comfort and affection? Of course it is... for like 5 minutes! I seriously cannot stand this. We are our own individuals, you got that? I don't want you to "need" me. I don't want you to stop functioning because of me. As an independent person, hearing these stuff can be really suffocating for me. I'm the kind of person who goes to the restroom without my group of girl friends. I'm the kind of person who talks to the teacher by myself without asking someone to do it for me. I've been doing these things alone since like forever and if you can't do anything alone for yourself and will be constantly needing me to be with you, I'm sorry you're not my boyfriend anymore. YOU'RE MY FRIGGIN SIAMESE TWIN.

Reason #2

Okay, when you're a couple you know you have these somewhat obligations to act as a boyfriend/girlfriend like sending good morning texts or good night texts. I am so bad at keepin up with that you have no idea. I am a really bad texter you have no idea but this isn't the topic. We're talking about how bad I am in relationships. Oh and don't even get me started on the 3 a.m. phone calls. I find it soooooo annoying. Yeah, people love that. You might think it's cute and romantic but guess what, I LOVE SLEEP. When I was in school, sleep was super important to me because I have to wake up at 5 a.m. to get ready since my school bus would get to my house at 6 a.m. You know what happened this one time? This guy called me at 3 a.m. I didn't answer and he kept calling for three times. Turns out he just wanted to say he loved me.
... Dude knows I'm a light sleeper and I couldn't fall back asleep until 4..ish. So what happened? Yeah I got heavy eyebags to school because I just lost an hour of my precious sleep. I couldn't focus on school too because apparently, I WAS TOO TIRED. OH MY GOSH I- urgghhh. I'm sorry but it's so annoying when you wake me up for nothing during my sleeping hours. "I love you" can wait the next day you jerk.

Reason #3

I honestly think that I am the most unromantic girl on the planet. You know, I have no problem saying how much I love cats, how much I love burgers and fries, how much I love my girl friends, my art, singing and so on but guess one thing that it's hard for me to say love to? That's right. My significant other. I'm sorry if I have a crush on you or we're dating because I'd get full-on insulting mode when I really really like you. Maybe you think it's cute that I do all these teasings with the guy I like but no. It really is a problem because sometimes it gets out of control and my words could actually offend someone. I'm sorry. I don't normally drop the L-bomb just like that. It would take me such a long time to say it to you. I really hope that the guy I like would not be offended when I repeatedly say "I hate you" in order to hide how much I like him.

Reason #4

Real talk though but this is what I think cripples me the most. Insecurities. I can never be in a relationship without wondering why does a person is actually interested in me. Which is weird, because I generally think that I'm a fun person with a great personality that looks kinda decent on occasion. But when a guy shows interests in me I really can't understand why. Maybe because I have trust issues with guys... or something else? I can't quite figure it out. But yeah, I will look at the guy constantly wondering if he still likes me or not even though he probably still is. Like, I need somewhat of a constant reassurance and when I don't get that, I tend to push someone away thinking that it's for the best. I will stop being the one who texts first because I think that I'm just bothering him. I will always question his replies, analyzing his responses, pushing for answers and constantly seeking clarification on every corner. This is like a huge problem that I have and I don't know how to stop.

Reason #5

I know being in love is fun and sweet and overall just magic everywhere but as a reserved person, I hate that I can't control my composure. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm smiling like an idiot everywhere I go, I'm doodling his name in my diary and I think it's stupid. Gosh I hate it. I'm basically a smart person, but I tend to be a complete idiot when I'm around the guy I like and I would do anything for these things to stop happening to me. I don't like these emotions that is out of my control. No matter how much we think that we have full control of our lives, these things happen to the best of us. Emotions are scary 😭

So those are the five things I think that explains why I suck at relationships. Maybe you know me in real life or through my social medias and think, "This girl is cute and funny. I should date her." Nuh-uh. I'm telling you boy. Run for your life because I am not what you thought I was. I'm saving you the trouble of having a nightmare so you can thank me for that. 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Christina Grimmie's Heartbreaking Death

It was yesterday afternoon when I finished my chores at home and I decided to scroll on my Twitter feed when I saw #PrayForChristina was the number one worldwide topic trending. Almost all my friends were tweeting about the hashtag. So of course, out of curiosity, I checked what it was all about. To my utter disbelief, I found out that it was about Christina Grimmie. She was currently at the hospital with very critical condition. It was a tragedy. She was shot by an unknown man at her concert and the man commited suicide after Christina's brother tackled him to the ground. I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and I was so heartbrokened that someone would do that to her. I prayed to God that she would pull through. I was scared.

Leaving Twitter for a bit, still praying for her, hoping I would hear some good news after I came back. But what did I come back to? A new topic trending.


No. This can't be.

I spent hours and hours crying. I was in denial. Still am actually. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she actually died. It was all so sudden. This was the girl I looked up to when I first found out about her on YouTube. I fell in love with her voice and down to earth personality. She made it to The Voice and above all, still glorifying God. Her cover of Owl City's "In Christ Alone" is still my favorite to this day.

It raises so many questions. Why? What kind of a sick person does that? Who was he? What did she do to him? Why did she have to go so early? For goodness sake, she was only a year older than me!!!!

I've never felt this sad on a celebrity's death. I don't know why. I don't even know her personally. But why? Why does this affect me so much? Why am I so emotional? I cried like a lot. My heart is in so much grief.

Everytime I scrolled through my Twitter timeline, all I saw were tweets about her. People sharing videos of her last performance, her old videos, singing and laughing, while I bawled my eyes out.

How I wish all of these were just a joke. How I wish someone would say that it wasn't true and we can all breathe.

I wish...

But no. It isn't. She really is gone.

I found out about what happened before her death and it's quite comforting to know. It was tweeted by @rileymcdonough on Twitter where he said,

"Something that's comforting to know is that some of my family actually prayed with Christina before the incident occured,"

followed by another of his tweet that says,

"The prayer concluded with "God is good" and she responded "all the time","

She now will forever rest in the fields of the Lord. She's home now.

I kept listening to Christina's "In Christ Alone" cover and there was this part that strucked something in me.

"No guilt in life,
No fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me."

This is so important and inspiring in so many ways. God really is good. All the time.

Even while mourning in her death, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in many ways. He kept reminding me that every day is a blessing and every second of my life is a chance for me to glorify God. Death is certain but I'm never gonna know how or when will I go. However, I can choose to live my life doing what God wants me to do. His plan is bigger than mine because when it's finally my time, I don't wanna have regrets and failures when I stand before my Heavenly Father.

Remember, where you will spend your eternity is only a breath away.

RIP, Christina. There will be no more pain and sorrow for you. I will always remember June 11th, 2016.

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