Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Demons In My Thoughts

Do you really think you deserve to be in a relationship? Come on, even you know that the "independent girl" act you put on is you hiding the fact that you being loved is unimaginable. Yeah, boys look at you as the pretty girl. That's how you always are. The "pretty" girl. The guys you were involved with...who fell for you. They were only there because they noticed how pretty you were... but what are you besides "pretty"? See, even you are too scared when people see you during your bad days. You freaked out over a bad picture because those horrible relationships that you've been made you put your worth on your face alone. What makes you think that the guy you're thinking about will like you back? Even if he does, do you really think he's gonna appreciate you wasting his time with a dysfunctional girl like you? Look at him. He's so nice and wonderful and a gentleman. What if he finds out how broken you are inside? How ugly your thoughts are? 
He deserves someone better. He deserves a happy, joyful girl just like him.
He needs a bright, cheerful yellow in his life.
You're just a dull, ashy grey. 

Stop trying.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Stupid Distance

I've fallen in love with my friends that I've gotten to know through Twitter for the past year. They're amazing and got me through my toughest time. My only hope is to meet them in person and just hang out for real.

The only problem? Distance.
I'm thousands of miles away from them. Literally on the other side of the earth. Sometimes I get angry at the fact that life gives me incredible friends that I hold dear to my heart but I can't even reach them at a stretch of an arm. Like, the heck am I supposed to do with that?

Sure, I can save up some money for a plane ticket but this stupid economy is so annoying. Our currency is dropping so much and it's impossible to fly out anywhere outside this country without getting completely broke. I'm so freaking mAD.

Melanie is my best friend soulmate. I've always been okay with being the lone wolf for the longest time until I met her. She's like the puzzle pieces that fits mine that I didn't even realize was unfinished and I'm completely shook, holy cow.

Grace is the one that I thought was just a sweet person until I got to know her mind and it blew me away on the fact that she's only freaking 16?!? This girl can lecture me and set me straight and I wouldn't even be offended.

Chris. The guy who is so full of happiness and positive vibes that'll turn your frown to a smile. The guy who isn't afraid to embarrass himself just to make you happy. I've never seen someone so full of life and just so passionate about the world. I don't know about you but being in a sucky world, we need someone like him in our lives.

Some of the others that I'm quite close are my lovable, Anna who loves kitties as much as I do and the cutest bean ever. Kristina who shows compassion and wisdom through her friendship. Bri who is a total savage yet a cinammon roll deep inside. Alyssa who acknowledges the little things in her everyday lives that shows through her passion in writing. Joe who will do everything to stop people from talking bad about themselves. Darias, who brings light in his presence that people just embrace his wit and humor.

I could go on and on about how wonderful my internet friends are. I'm sorry if I didn't mention you but trust me, I remember you whenever you interact with me.

A lot of them will be meeting up in August for a con. I'd try not to go online around that time to avoid being depressed­čśé
But seriously though, I'm really sad to see their posts about planning where to meet and getting ready for where to stay at a hotel. I'm always the odd one out. I don't show how sad I am on Twitter because I don't want to have a pity party but hey nobody reads my blog anyway so I'll just let it all out here.

But hey, I guess we still have social medias to connect to each other. I'm eternally grateful for this one thing.

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