Wednesday, June 07, 2017

A Cynical Who Got Into A Relationship

I really don't want to be annoying by talking too much about Chris on my blog but then I thought, "Hey, whose blog is this anyway? Also, do I even have actual readers to complain about me to begin with? ha..ha.. ha?" 
Also, I promise I'm not gonna be too disgustingly sappy on my blog. That's private for the both of us.
I just want to talk about how I grow as a person through this relationship. I've been in relationships before. Obviously failed ones and I was immature back then. Wait hold on, let me start from how I was before I dated Chris.
Awhile back, I've been really cynical with romantic relationships because I thought people my age only want relationships for fun. I've seen it way too many times. They want to get together because it's fun. I'm ashamed to say that it happened to me too. Not that I was against relationships though but I just don't trust people my age to be serious so I thought I'd rather guard myself from these stuff for awhile and focus on improving myself as an individual. Being in a relationship always felt like a burden to me. I love myself too much to want someone to ruin it for me.

'till I met Chris.

I didn't want to be with him just because I craved for a relationship like I always did. I wanted to be with him because of... well... him. And it was a scary thought at first to have a crush again after years of guarding myself up. I'm bad at emotions I hate it. When I first started knowing him a little, that was me trying to feel the water with my feet before completely diving in. I kept telling myself that it wasn't my time yet that God still has a lot of plans for me... but then I thought, what if this is part of His plan? The way we found out about each other was insane... to the last detail of the story.
I don't know where it's gonna go for us but gosh I hope it works out.

I used to think that all the "couples thing" are obligations and I kept telling myself before that when I have a boyfriend, I have to do this, and that and don't be like that or stop doing certain stuff so he's happy with me. That's why I thought relationships are like chores to me.
However, when it comes to Chris, it all comes naturally to me because I don't do all these stuff just because I have to. It's because I want to. I'm ready to sacrifice a lot of stuff to make him happy and I honestly never felt that way with any guy. Ever.

One thing I also like in this relationship is that, he doesn't take away my sense of individuality. Don't get me wrong I care about him so much but I never feel like he's changing me like how I always thought would happen to me whenever I'm in a relationship. We're simultaneously great as individuals who get to do our own thing but also crazy about each other at the same time. I miss him from time to time but I really respect the fact that he's not slacking on life just because of me. 

I'm so grateful to God for him. He's very encouraging and always know what to say whenever I'm in trouble and he's just spoiling me way too much it's insane. 

I want to meet him so bad,

Monday, June 05, 2017

How I Started Dating My Boyfriend

He just ended his livestream and I was trying to figure out if I should message him or not. He just got back from camping with his grandmother and some other people. He told me that he didn't get to take a shower for days because they had no water. "Yeah. He's probably in the shower right now. I should wait to text him," I thought.


"Have you taken your shower yet????"

Gosh. I'm so pathetic. Why am I so desperate for his attention?

...and then I got a text back.

"Literally just got out from the shower. Oh my gosh I am a new man!"

I smiled. It's always good to get to hear from him and I was glad I checked up on him.

"I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time..." , he added and then sent a picture of him shaving.

I started smiling again thinking how silly he was. We started texting for a while until I started teasing him again about his old crush that turned him down a while back.

"I get crushes suuper easily," he complained. 

I felt bad about teasing so I tried to lighten up the mood.

"Yeah I can see that. You're a hopeless romantic."

"Why isn't he replying yet?" I thought to myself when it was just a minute of nothing. I thought he was mad at me.
Stupid me I shouldn't have mentioned his old crush!

but then I got a text from him..

"...literally the first time I commented on one of your ig pics. How sad is that?"

I froze. He actually said  that. He admitted of having a crush on me.

"Wait what? Did you have a crush on meeee?"

Yes oh my gosh please say yes I'm gonna make you say it. Say it.. SAY IT.

*Chris Howard is typing...*

okay yes this is it he's gonna say it ahhhhhhh

"Well that was before I knew you spawned from the depths of hell so"

I stared at the screen of my phone for a while. That's it. That's what he said.
I wanted to throw a brick on his face so bad. It's so easy to say it. JUST SAY THAT YOU LIKE ME, STUPID.
Probably because of my pent up frustrations for over a year, I kinda blew up and then I said,

"You know I like you right?"
"Wait as a friend or......?"

Seriously Chris, how dumb can you be?

"Oh my gosh, YOU'RE SO DENSE!"

Crap, was that too harsh though? I should add something else.

"But I don't mind if you don't like me back though. You're so fun to be around."

It was true though. I just wanted him to know that if he doesn't actually like me back, I'm glad to be his friend. It took him awhile to actually respond so I was preparing myself to be rejected by him.

...and then finally a reply.

"So you know the crush I had on you? Yeah it hasn't gone away since we've become actual friends."

He said it.
I could hear the Hallelujah chorus.


So, yeah that's a lil bit of the story of how I started dating Chris. It was hilarious on how it started though but I am so happy with him right now. :)

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