Friday, July 14, 2017

A Girl and Her Bedroom

My sister with her husband and two sons came from South Korea to visit for one and a half week here so I had to give up my bedroom since we have a small house. I slept on the couch. I didn't mind. I wanted them to be as comfortable as they can.
I loved our time spent together. We even went on a trip to Kundasang and visited the places we never get to visit as a family before.

And then they left and it was hard to see them go at the airport. I know that she has her own family and her life needs her to be somewhere else. Still, it's always hard to see them go.

But part of me was just glad that they left.

Now that made me sound like a bad person but just hear me out.

I spent one and a half week being in the living room. I couldn't lie down on my own bed and just take my alone time there since they're using my bedroom. It's not just about being an introvert and recharging. It's just something about my bed that makes me feel safe and I felt that it was taken away from me. When I went to KL earlier this year, which is on the other side of the country, I was stressed out and anxious. I didn't know why. My only thought was to go back home and lie down in my own bed. I knew I'd feel better if I did that but, well, I couldn't.

That's what I felt the whole time my sis and her family was here. Although I love them dearly, I felt myself getting depressed day by day. But of course, I hid it pretty well. I've had practice so...

It may seem silly for you to read this. It was just a bed. Just a bedroom. Big deal.

However, it's more than that to me. It's one of the places that I feel truly safe. It's my happy place. A place for me to rest or for me to be creative. The place where I create stuff and the place for me to just think by myself. No noise. Just peace and quiet.

Over the past one and a half week, I was about to lose mind. I'd get anxious and just dreading the day 'till night where I finally get to have my sleep. Although, it didn't help how my fam always sleep late and I have to wait all of them to go to their room so I'd be alone on the couch.

Do I like the way I am right now? Definitely not. I hope this was never a thing. It would be so easier for me if I've never felt so attached to my bedroom. I'm not even sure it's healthy. As much as I want to convince myself that's it all just in my head, I just can't because once it started in your head, your body starts to shut down as well. My head was throbbing. I felt sluggish. I didn't feel like doing stuff. But I still did because I have to.


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