Monday, August 28, 2017

I Don't Know How To Love Myself

There are people out there who would risk their lives for me.
Who would do anything to make me happy,
to make me smile,
laugh,
and see how beautiful I am not only on the outside but also on the inside.

They've repeatedly told me how they appreciate me and how blessed they are to know me.
Now, I'm not saying that I don't believe them but I just wish...
I just wish I can see myself the way they see me.
I don't think I'm a bad person. I mean, I mess up once in a while but I'm generally a good person. I don't hate myself. However, I also don't know how to love myself. Well, technically I do love myself. I mean I take good care of myself, I avoid getting sick as much as I can and feed myself when needed. I also tend to make myself look nice and pretty so those pretty much count as loving myself, right? I guess we all pretty much love ourselves by default in those areas.

But see, I'm not in love with myself.
I have people in my life that actually love me more than I love myself. They look up to me so much. I've heard all the compliments repeatedly. They said I'm talented. They said I'm funny. I'm pretty. Smart.
And I appreciate them I really do. I love them so freaking much.
But I just wish I could feel more than just and "ehh" feeling towards myself when they tell me how amazing I am. Is this how being humble feels like? If it is then wow this sucks. I just want to be proud of myself without having all these struggle.


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