Saturday, September 09, 2017


I video called with my two best friends last night. Melanie and Grace. I know it's only been a day but I already miss them. Funny how they can literally boost my mood up so quick... The two people that I met on the internet. We kinda talked a little about how it's gonna be when I will finally gonna come to America. Their faces lit up and I got super excited again. 

I've been down for quite some time. I have friends here too like who aren't actually thousands of miles away from me. I tried reaching out to them but I'm only getting like one word responses and then it felt so bland. I'm not even talking about acquaintances. I'm talking about actual close friends. The friends I was super tight with during college or in secondary school. We loved each other.
When I tried to reach them, their replies had 0 enthusiasm. I gotta admit it kinda hurt me a little bit. You know how you feel like you're the only one putting effort to keep the conversation going and then they're just gone when you step back for a while?

Yeah I got confused. I guess people just grow apart sometimes, right? Like, isn't that just a part of life?

It's soooo cliche to say this but internet friends really do treat you better. I've always avoided to say that because it felt like actually dismissing my actual friends in real life. I don't want to lift one group of friends and then degrading the other but honestly... that's literally what I'm feeling.
The other day I checked on my one friend's twitter profile from my old secondary school and I realized that she unfollowed me. I don't know for how long but she did. 

I don't want to dwell on it for too long though. I just have to remember that I can't make people stay in my life if they don't want to. If I were them I wouldn't wanna be forced to stay in someone else's life too when I don't want to.

But here's the positive thing though, I get to recognize who my true friends are now. Who is and isn't worth the fight for. Whether I met them on the internet or in real life, it doesn't matter.
So Mel and Grace, you two are the best and I love you guys.

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