Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Interview Call From Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM)

It has been days since I found out about the interview call from UiTM for Diploma of Arts & Design and I couldn't be more excited. However, I've been freaking out since that day. Questions like, "Am I ready for this?" "Is this the college that I really want?" "Am I okay with leaving Sabah?" The more I think about it, the more anxious I get. I don't know how anxiety attack is but I think I'm having it for days. I've been thinking about it too much that I'm freaking out on my own in my bedroom. My family doesn't know about this because I acted like I'm just fine around them. I'm confused. Isn't this is what I really want? Why am I having sleepless nights because of this?

The situation has taken its toll on me and I'm breaking down in tears right now. It was all because of my brother who gets frustrated at me for not knowing how to change the setting to print my artworks to grayscale mode. I don't know. It makes me even more frustrated when someone is getting frustrated at me. Especially about a tiny matter. And now my anxiety is overlapping with frustration and I can't take it anymore. I'm trying to be calm but the more I'm pretending that everything's okay, the more I can't handle my anxiety. Maybe crying is the only way I can feel better...and some punching on my closet. 

The interview is on this Saturday and I have only two more days to add some artworks on my portfolio. I'm now close to worn out. I'm tired. Exhausted. Mentally and physically. 

Last night, my Dad insisted that I go to The One Academy(TOA). He said I can drop out from UiTM anytime to go to TOA. It's my dream art school and there's no any art school I'd rather be besides TOA. But dad, come on. It's too expensive and we can't afford it. They've been spending moneys on me a lot. Even on things I didn't asked for. Like recently, my parents bought me a watch for RM188 and a silver necklace for RM60! Why would they do that? My parents love me too much I just can't... 

Anyway, I feel like God reminded me a verse from the Bible that says, "Cast all your anxiety on Me, because I care for you," but I didn't remember from which verse. But I'm sure it's from the Bible because I've read it before. My parents aren't the only ones who love me so much but God too. And the fact that He wouldn't let me carry this weight and burden is amazing. I couldn't be more grateful to God. 

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