Friday, January 08, 2016

Welcome 2016?

I should have started my blog this year by telling you guys how excited I am for 2016 or saying corny stuff like, "New year, new me," or "Welcome 2016, be nice to me." First of all, being the "new you," can be started anytime you like. You don't have to wait for the 1st of January to be a better person. Second of all, you cannot just hope for the best that 2016 is going to be good to you. You work for it. You have the choices to make your own path and choose to be wiser and happier. Also, don't forget about the, "I went to the toilet in 2015 and comes out in 2016," kind of joke. How many times do I have to roll my eyes before that kind of jokes end? 

But that's the way people rejoices in New Year am I right? Yeah, I wish I can feel that too. Not that I'm not grateful that I'm still alive and get to be in 2016 though, I just feel like this time it's not gonna be the same for me. Big changes are about to happen. I passed my diploma in flying colours and 2015 was truly an amazing year for me. But now, what am I going to do? I had a chat with my sister that had helped me financially through college and long-story-short, I may not be able to continue my degree this year. As much as I want to, I know that it's not a good time right this moment. Seeing the financial crisis and my mother's health condition, I don't want to add anymore burden. Besides, my mother needs help around this house and she really needed extra hands for our 1 and a month year old Golden Retriever named Rocky who is now recovering from a minor surgery on removing a small tumor. 

I'm working as a freelance artist now and I have a lot of orders for drawing portraits and such. It goes very well for and cash are flowing in. One time there was this person who were willing to pay me RM100 for a wedding photo! And that was only A4 size! 
But as an artist, it gets tiring and harder day by day. You may be talented as you think you are but your drawing gets crappy if your passion is not present. Instead of feeling like you're doing what you love, it turned into a task. I don't think I can handle anymore tasks until fatigue kicks in like I did in college. Making money is hard, I know that. That's why I'm scared. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I never had a real job because I'm afraid. I have issues. Still, my university loans need to be paid back so I guess I have to push myself?

At least before this, I know what to do. I was in college. I was told what to do and I did everything well. Yeah maybe I got stumbled in some situations that got me in trouble but overall, I think I did pretty well.

There was one plan I have thought of, by the way. During our annual dinner for our faculty, Mr. Zaki said something to me and I couldn't get it out of my mind. He said that I have a great potential to go far. Not just in Malaysia. He encouraged me to continue overseas and start making connections from that moment on. Mr. Vincent added on how he agreed with Mr. Zaki.
You see, Mr. Zaki and Mr. Vincent was the Graphic Design lecturers. I, however is a Fine Art student. I don't think we had a bond whatsoever. Maybe with Mr. Vincent because he taught us Typography but not Mr. Zaki. The fact that he was able to see my potential and abilities convinced me that all of that should not go to waste. Which is why I'm thinking of applying for a university abroad and try to apply a scholarship. I know Miss Syida would be pissed at this desicion and Miss Julie would be disappointed for me to leave UiTM but I need to do this. Tessa is in New Zealand. Midori is in UK. I want to study abroad too. I know my abilities and I know what I'm capable of.

I'm still so scared though. 2016 is the change for everything for me. 

Well, God. I guess I'm growing up.

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